One of my favorite lines has been, " You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go."
A year ago today, the place I went was releasing A Constant Suicide. With the help of some very influential people in my life -- some I knew well, some not at all and others I've come to know very well since then -- I've had more life-changing adventures all over the place that I don't believe would have ever happened without some great decisions I've made.
From having more than 300 friends show up to a book release party that lasted until sunrise to book signings at Borders where the staff wanted us to come back regularly because of how loud and boisterious we were, nothing can compare to the feeling of putting myself out to an audience, not knowing how it was received.
Of course I've had many people tear the book apart. My favorite was an anonymous review on Amazon that likened reading the book to suicide itself. But I don't worry about that person. I think of the high school kids that tell me it was the first book they read and now are reading the novels that inspired my writing.
I think of the people who have dealt with suicides in their families and thanked me for getting it right. I think of the people who say I accurately captured the typical college experience.
I think of people telling me that Ethan's mom made them horny, or the people who say they both laughed and cried when reading it.
I think of the book tour Bryon Garrison arranged for me in southern Illinois, going to hometown libriaries smaller than my apartment and judging a county fair talent contest, watching my back as I left the fair because of who we chose as the winner. There's more at stake to those things than you think.
Then there's Dave at Copia, hocking my book to everyone who came in. There's nothing weirder than selling someone a book and then taking their drink order. Then again, that's a great humbling experience and would have hoped for nothing better. So is seeing the boxes of unsold copies in my apartment.
I think of the candid radio interviews and desperately waiting for my copy of ONE magazine to see the first review of my book. Getting a sense of validation and then wanting nothing more than to start writing again.
What I think of most are the real life characters I've met since writing the book. The colorful, ambitious writers who asked for advice or the book afficianados who said I should give up writing.
The guy rumored to be formerly connected with the mob that ran the hotel and no matter what time I went to my room, he and the maintenance man came walking out of it. The crazy stalker girls at the bar. Ryan from Quad-City Arts and the reading with only six people there.
Dr. Seuss was right -- hang-ups do happen. But then again, " Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way!"
