Post-partum depression, of sorts

So here's something I didn't expect.

Since completing the novel, killing a character and not being able to give him closure in his departure, I've felt extremely depressed for the past couple days. Some of you might have got the text messages. Don't worry I'm fine. While they were worded weird, it was just a way to say I appreciate all of you in my life and never tell you enough. I don't want to wait until it's too late.

Apparently, it's not uncommon for authors to become depressed after a completion of a book or after killing off a character. We invest so much of our emotions writing about a person who becomes real in our minds, so when they die, we feel a friend has died too. It's what losing a child must be like.

J.K. Rowling, the woman who writes Harry Potter, cried for days after killing Dumbledore.

While I killed off the main character, Ethan, a long time ago, completing the full details of his demise was actually depressing. In sorts, I've come to respect and like a character that only exists in my head and on page.

Many of you know about my depressive episodes and attempted suicide in college. In some ways, similar emotions ran through me after killing Ethan. It's so strange to describe. It was like the death of a life-long friend.

It was a bad thing to sit alone by myself and write the story and then go and celebrate by myself. Too much time on my own, fostering the death of the character, made me feel even worse. My feelings of isolation had become bad.

But, now I'm back at work, keeping busy around people. Still, it's something I didn't expect as a first-time novelist.

That will all be gone I suspect when the boys from Winona come to visit this weekend.